《意隐故事--明玉轮》夏意隐

87、真相？ 黎鸦来吃早

　　黎鸦来吃早饭，远远的她就看见了Julia和Josia两姐妹。她赶紧避开视线，就近找了个位置坐下。为了防止她们在出门时可能会经过她，她左手扶额挡住脸——好像只要她看不见她们，她们也就不会看见她似的。

　　没用5分钟的时间，她便将桌上的食物风卷残云般扫荡一空。她瞟了一眼刚才她们的座位——没人，看来她们已经吃完了，还好还好。可是长久以来要怎么办呢？一共就这些人，关在这样大的一片地儿，不要说平时低头不见抬头见，就连吃饭一天都有三顿。

　　黎鸦边思索对策边从座位上起身，准备把餐盘放到回收处。

　　Julia：“Lia!”

　　黎鸦扭头一看，正是快要走到门口的Julia和Josia。她感到自己的魂魄都被这一声叫走了，真是怕什么来什么。

　　黎鸦：“Hey, morning.（嘿，早。）”

　　她挤出一个尴尬的微笑对向她走来的Julia。Josia跟在她姐姐身后，只是勉强地咧了咧嘴，然后低下头不敢看她。

　　Julia：“Where were you yesterday?（你昨天去哪了？）”

　　黎鸦：“I-uh, I was sick yesterday.（我-呃，我昨天生病了。）”

　　Josia刚抬起的眼神又被掩藏下去。

　　Julia：“Oh, how bad. How do you feel now?（天啊，太糟糕了。你现在感觉怎么样？）”

　　黎鸦：“All good, all good. How are you guys?（好了，好了。你们怎么样？）”

　　Julia：“Fabulous! Did you see the video? How was it? Was I any good?（非常好！你看那天的视频了吗？怎么样？我表现好吗？）”

　　黎鸦：“Uh... I... I'm sorry, it was not recorded.（呃... 对... 对不起，我没录上。）”

　　Julia：“How come?（为什么？）”

　　她看上去很震惊，Josia也是一样。不同的是，Josia的眼里似乎闪过一阵微光。

　　黎鸦：“I forgot to press 'record'.（我忘按‘录制键’了。）”

　　Julia笑出了声。

　　Julia：“How could you make that kind of rookie mistake? You are so funny. Does Moonlord know that?（你怎么能犯这样的新手错误呢？你太逗了。月主知道这件事吗？）”

　　黎鸦：“Yeah, I told him.（我告诉他了。）”

　　Julia：“What did he say?（他怎么说？）”

　　黎鸦：“He... he said ‘don't do it again.’（他... 他说‘不要再犯第二次了’。）”

　　黎鸦只能胡诌一通。她不觉得如果她说Moonlord没有说她的话她们会很开心、

　　Julia：“Oh Lia Lia. Were you too nervous?（天啊，Lia，Lia。你那晚是太紧张了吗？）”

　　黎鸦：“Yeah I guess.（可能吧。）”

　　Julia：“It's OK. You'll get used to it. I was the same when I first came here, but I came to peace with it because I know that is sacred and it gives me energy increase.（行，没关系。你会适应的。我刚来时也是一样，但是后来我找到了平静因为我知道这是神圣的，它会给我能量的加持。）”

　　黎鸦装模作样地点点头，装出一副认真听取的表情。

　　Julia：“You are not alone, I think Josia is still going through it.（你不是一个人。我觉得Josia现在还在适应。）”

　　Julia回头诙谐地看了Josia一眼。

　　Julia：“It’s a process, and all of us, at one point or another, have to deal with it. But at the end of the day, you know it's a blessing and that's all it matters.（这是一个过程，我们所有人都会在某刻需要去面对。但是最终，你会知道这是恩典，这才是最重要的。）”

　　—————————

　　三人来到大厅。

　　Julia去和舞蹈团集合做热身；Jennia今天不知道怎么回事还没来，所以合唱团的人还没有被招呼集合。

　　黎鸦和Josia尴尬地并排站着，眼神都直着各盯一处看，绝不交汇。

　　终于，Josia还是没忍住，率先打破了沉默。

　　Josia：“I’m sorry.（我很抱歉。）”

　　黎鸦：“For what?（为什么？）”

　　Josia：“For what you had to witness that night. And thank you for not filming it. I don't want to be recorded, I don't, I really don't.（为那晚你看到的。谢谢你没有录下来。我真的、真的、真的不想被录下来。）”

　　黎鸦发现Josia需要提着一口气才能不让眼泪掉下来，她也彻底确定了Josia在这里的立场。

　　黎鸦：“No, I'm sorry, too. （不，我也很抱歉。）”

　　她摸索着按下相机录制键，虽然镜头完全朝着身后。

　　Josia：“Why don't you just leave? Before anything worse happens.（你为什么不离开？在更糟糕的发生之前。）”

　　黎鸦：“I- I have reasons... Why don't you? Just because your sister is here, doesn't mean you have to be here. You are yourself, you are free. Your sister is having the time of her life, so it makes sense that she stays, but you are not.（我- 我有原因... 你为什么不呢？虽然你姐姐在这儿，但是这不代表你也必须在这儿。你是你自己，你是自由的。你姐姐在这儿很开心，所以她留下很合理，但是你不是。）”

　　Josia无奈地轻声笑了笑。

　　Josia：“She doesn't like being here- Well, she thinks she does and she makes herself do.”

　　黎鸦：“What do you mean?（什么意思？）”

　　这个回答属实在她意料之外。

　　Josia：“They know too much about her. She’s trapped. First, they shower you with love and acceptance you've never known; then, once you hand over your trust and vulnerability, they turn it against you.（他们知道的太多了。她被困住了。他们先是让你得到你此生从未有过的爱与接纳；然后在你交出信任和脆弱的那一刻将它们变成控制你的枷锁。）”

　　黎鸦：“But with all due respect, she looks pretty passionate about this place, about Moonlord, and basically about everything in here.（但是恕我直言，你姐姐看上去对这个地方、对月主、对这里的一切都很喜欢。）”

　　Josia：“Well, when you realize you can't get away from it, you sorta just persuade yourself to go with it.（当你意识到你无法逃脱，沉沦就是最好的选择。）”

　　黎鸦一定是露出了难以置信的表情。

　　Josia：“Hard to believe huh? But that's how I see it. You've heard her side of the story, this is mine. I think she brainwashed herself. People do that. She never meant to hurt anyone, but she ended up hurting a lot; she has always wanted to be loved, but she was never loved. So at the end of the day, she gave up. And that's when they swooped in, because I wasn't there by her side. Now that I am, I won't leave her for a second.（很难相信对吧？但是我就是这样看的。你听过她的版本，这是我的。我觉得她在给自己洗脑。人们有时会这样做。她从没想过伤害任何人，但是她伤害了很多人；她从来都想被爱，但是她从未被爱。所以她放弃了。所以他们能够趁虚而入，因为我没在她身边。但是现在我在了，我不会离开她身边一刻了。）”

　　黎鸦：“So it's actually you who's here to save her?（所以其实是你来救她的？）”

　　Josia：“Nobody can save anybody. But I can at least keep her company, to let her know that there’s me who will always love her and need her. And for that, hopefully, she’ll feel better about her life.（没人能拯救任何人。但是我能陪伴在她身边，我能让她知道我会永远爱她、永远需要她。我希望因此她会对她的人生感觉好一些。）”

　　黎鸦有些震惊，她不敢相信同一件事两人竟然有完全不一样的描述和解读，她不知道到底该相信哪一方。

　　黎鸦：“And you are willing to sacrifice your life for that? Even though it means dragging you both down?（你愿意为此牺牲自己的生活？即使这意味着你们都要被拖下水？）”

　　Josia笃定地点点头。

　　Josia：“She’s all I have. Like I said, she's the only one who has ever stayed for me, so she is the only one I stay for.（我只有她了。就像我之前说的，我的一生只有她肯为我停留，所以我也只为她而停留。）”

　　黎鸦彻底一头雾水。

　　黎鸦：“So you are saying you need her-（所以你的意思是你需要她-）”

　　Josia：“And she needs me, too. She needs me to need her. I don't think either of us can survive without the other.（她也需要我。她需要我去需要她。我不觉得我们其中任何一个人能够独自在这个宇宙存活。）”