《Reversionary Waltz》沧浪绯衣

1、1 I'm a

　　1.I’m a vagrant; a natural vagrant; an inherent vagrant…
　　2.I know that, it itself is an unforgivable fault that the merciful god gave me the birth on the earth; a terrible fault which can make the beautiful Eden Garden be doomed eternally. The crumbling of the earth is my rage; the shadow of canopy of heaven is my loneliness; Satan’s evil eye risks everything on a single venture for my revival and the final ruin is my permanent end-result…
　　3.There was a huge event happened, distant thousands of years ago… All the angels were waiting for that moment; the sacred flame is burned on Olympia Mountain; the occasion is just like to welcome the god Jesus; Poseidon’s black sea raises water columns which as high as the sky; my birth is, however, a fault…
　　4.Suddenly, Hera’s jealousy rolls up a violent storm on the sea, my brain loses the splendid memory, my ears suffer from the attack of loud noise; my throat is putting up with the assault of the thunder…
　　5.My body is twisted until out of shape under the gigantic forces of time tunnel; like this, a god’s spirit is put in a human’s body…
　　6.Everything here is quite alien to me. I, am a god, a great god. Come to this world, but suffering from being appallingly homeless. I have an unattractive appearance, actually I am extremely ugly, even more, I lose the ability to hear forever… So I can’t get the hairlike caress, I am considered as a eyewinker and treated with contempt. I’m like a dark parasite, which is living under the sharp facula and be mocked, be despised… So I begin to hate this world. The hatred is not the moan and groan of the cynical people; it is a native counterattack after a mental panic and desperation. But how many people know I, the fright, can also be romantic, be nice… My fatherly kind heart is always sniping against the hatred and curses in the world. But who can show just a little bit care to the natural vagrant? Who can sing a little gospel or just “Ha Li Lu Ya” for the downfallen angel to redeem his spirit go back soon? For me, the small potato, everybody just let me run for my own courses without interference…
　　7.Lonely! Just like the harp, which accompanies with the angel. Only the unexpected tone can have love sympathetic response, dispel the cold in the earth…
　　8.I know however sad I am, I can’t forget love baptism, because I can have a miracle to go back to heaven only if I pay for love…
　　9.So I struggle and struggle, looking for the chance to give love… I am coy which is so different from my appearance. I once cried for risking my neck to save a girl who was nearly hit by a car but misunderstood by others; and also I once was put into the jail because I figured out the sorrow of a young lady, but was thought to have evil intentions. I am suffering from thousands of unreddressed injustice and be destitute for these pain fortune as well…
　　10.Memory, is like the old phonograph, will always remains some yellow, grey, or colorful photos. I only have one color--- like faded black, cloud of them. They rush to me and seem to be nonstopping until puncture my forehead. Now the angel is poor, he lingered at the edge of the death more than once, “Live? Or die?” Faded color will never give an answer…
　　11.Maybe, there is much or little of golden memory in everyone’s life. The difference is just the amount and some become the beautiful reality while others sink in the abyss forever…
　　12.Today is my 20th Valentine’s Day. Valentine, what a weird name, what a fresh name! But for me, it is only a hermit who holds himself aloof from worldly success, nothing else…
　　13.Love, is a luxury for me… But how ridiculous that I have to give off the luxury…
　　14.Here, remains all the qualities of winter--- theirs, warm harbor for mooring. Warmness, never belongs to all the vagrants, no natural vagrants either…
　　15.Walking along the street, I have already been used to the biting sarcasm and the cold indifference. But I believe, love, can save all the numbness and cold-blooded in the world. At the same time, the dignity if god tells me that these people are incurable…
　　16.Bright street, glitz neon. How many warm hands, how many beautiful smiles, how many sweet kisses, how many freewill embrace… I feel happy for their luck; I pray for their marriage… I have a pair of eyes that can look through people’s inner heart, which causes tears in my eyes all the time--- Now they are thinking that the beggar in shabby clothes really dampen our spirits…
　　17.I am not a good missionary, but the faith to give off love will last throughout my life…
　　18.There, by the beautiful lake, I catch a sight of a melancholy figure. There, I see a sad, pale but beautiful face. God, can god also have human’s emotion?
　　19.Perhaps, it really has fortune. I have been used to this kind of scene on ordinary days, why am I attracted just on Valentine’s Day?
　　20.I feel so heavy on my ankles and feel so hard to walk such a few steps…
　　21.Cold wind blows over; I can’t help from having sense of caress seeing her shivering… Maybe my heavy footsteps interrupt her thoughts. She draws backward and breathes heavily seeing this ugly face. The fear on her face makes me feeling pain in my heart…
　　22. That’s an unflawed white jade like face with natural peaceful and noble temperament on it…
　　23.It’s obvious that she fears of my visit and tears on her face on Valentine’s Day give me enough clues to guess what happened…
　　24.“ I’m sorry. Maybe I made you afraid.” My words are full of care and regret which sound pretty sincerely by the water…
　　25. It seems like she is very embarrassed about my words, “ why do you talk to such a poor girl like me?”
　　26.“Trust me. I have no malice.”
　　27.“ Then…what do you wanna do? You don’t look like a…”
　　28.I hang down my eyelid feeling sad, but I never care about what others say about me even much worse than these…
　　29.“I don’t care what you say. I’m just wondering why you are crying; why are you so sad; probably I can help you with something…”
　　30.Lord! I am telling the truth! Because I am a god! I know what love is!
　　31.However, she bursts into laughter. Maybe she thinks I am daydreaming…
　　32. “ Don’t laugh, young lady, I am really a…” No, I can’t say, or it will be worse. “What are you? Please go on! Are you going to say you are the angel that god asked to save me?
　　33. What a girl it is!
　　34. “If you like, you can call me angel.” Maybe it sounds kind of funny, but is it so ridiculous?
　　35. “Then, Mr. Angel, can you tell why I am crying?” She is satirizing me in every word.
　　36. “I don’t know whether it is proper to say so, but the fact is just like this: You are a beautiful spoony girl who is loving another excellent guy. You’d rather tear for him everyday just to be with him in such a short time. You don’t allow even one drop of tear, which not belong to him sides down from his cheek. You are hesitating between long term of pain and short time of happiness, but never have courage to give up the last warmness between you two. You feel happy in your imagination and feel painful in reality. Actually, your heart has already been scarred and battered. But the guy--- is your hero, your hope and your all. You love him. But tears on Valentine’s Day prove your status in his heart.” I give vent to all my feelings on the poor girl, which sounds very infectious.
　　37. “Are you really my angel?! I’m not a person good at talking, but your words are beating the bottom of my heart… You haven’t told me your name.”
　　38. “You just need to remember that I am your angel. An angel doesn’t need a name…” I don’t know where my courage comes from…
　　39. “I’m so grateful to you. You have said out what I didn’t want to admit…”
　　40. Her smile is so beautiful that brightens my life…
　　41. “How are you going to help me?”
　　42. “Tell me who he is. I may talk to him.”
　　43. “No, please don’t! That’s not fair to him! He just doesn’t love me which is not his fault…” Her voice becomes smaller and smaller…
　　44. “Is it fair to you now?”
　　45.Clear tears come down from her cheek.
　　46. “You really scared me, I thought…”
　　47. “It’s my appearance that scared you. I’m sorry.”
　　48. “There are really angels like you in this world… I can’t believe that… I’m appreciative to God…” She makes a cross in front of her chest.
　　49.Night, is in a silence, just like the water.
　　50.As if I have found my value ignorantly, found out how great the cost of real love, kind of sweet, kind of nature and kind of pain.
　　51.Just like this, meet of two strangers becomes sympathetic response from talking and understanding…
　　52. “You said you were a lonely vagrant. Everyone pushes you out, is it true?”
　　53.What a pure girl!
　　54.I weep tears which are buried in my heart for as long as 20 years. The feeling is really hard to describe by dumb words. How can I stop weeping at this scene?
　　55.The call of soul, the devotement of love. Give you a feeling of newborn freedom and release of pain, which bothers you for 20 years. You can imagine. What courage of soul the sudden happiness is! Especially for me, the vagrant who only has faded black memory. Mercy of God changes my fortune helm. Let it become bright from darkness, become miracle from rotting…
　　56.We’re like aliens from different spaces who have seen through the world…
　　57. “It’s God’s love which makes us feel happy.” I say.
　　58. “It’s God’s love which makes us feel happy.” She says.
　　59.Suddenly, a tall figure walks out of the edge of darkness. I find that it’s a pretty handsome face, which has a huge contrast with me, when he walks near to us in the light. Unreasonable, my body becomes to tremble as he appears.
　　60.The girl’s face, which was in red a second ago, becomes pale just at the moment. Suddenly, she runs toward him as if she lost her life. The sound that she steps on the fallen leaves makes me tremble heavier. A few seconds later, she returns at the same speed and gives me a big hug with her sweet arms. And then runs to that cute figure again when I am still immersing in the imaginative happiness. In a few seconds--- fast and long few seconds--- they disappear from my sight completely…
　　61.Everything is over, isn’t it? I even haven’t known their names…
　　62.Everything is over, isn’t it? It’s not bad, is it?
　　63. It’s particularly cold on Valentine’s Day this year, which makes me shivering…
　　64.I have given off God’s love---great, selfless, tolerant love. I guess I can return to the heaven, right?
　　65.A voice tells me: “No, you can’t. It’s not a new century. It’s just the last year of the old century…”
　　66.See, I told you…I am a vagrant; a natural vagrant; an inherent vagrant…