《The Questions Unanswered》朝生花见

1、Midterm

　　Partly because of the cold, partly because of my impotency, I felt headache. I felt this pain. In turn, it encroached my spirit and a sense of insecurity dwelt on me. This impotency grew.

　　I needed the answer desperately, in some sense. Since the literature review and comments took account for 30% of the total marks in the midterm examination. I could get the answer in three ways: figure it out myself, ask my class|mates who also have to read the paper until they resolved the problem, or I could also turn to senior students, so that I could “turn others’ into mine”. I was not that s|mart to achieve in the first way. After someone said to another, ‘Sorry, I can’t answer your question in detail, otherwise we would have similar answers’, I could not in the second way. Since I am literally nobody, it would be too much bother if I asked senior students for help. Thus, I could not in the third way.

　　Yet ridiculously, I felt this intriguing. Probably I am not that in need of the answer after all. As time goes by, the meaning of high rankings recedes. The situation that I am right now stuck in, becomes one origin, one source of sarcas|m.

　　I am impotent in a way that I could make no difference anyway. After one week or two, I am ready to accept it. Yet the indifference of people, the unyielding turndown with justification got me laugh.

　　At that time, I thought, the relationship between human beings is superficial as such. Why do I forget past wounds in such a short time and, again I have expectations on people? Why do I have expectations on this superficial relation and these people?

　　I knew then, that my belief on the everlasting virtues has retreated.