《追风筝的人之宽恕》羽尧

4、IV

　　“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! Rahim!” The man sitting in front me is totally out of control, and there is another thing that really shocks me is that: he is crying! He is right: I don’t understand. This afternoon one of the servants called me in a sudden and said I’d better come and see because Ali and Hassan left the house with all their stuff, and Toophan locked himself in the room ever since. I sensed that something unusual happened because he did exactly the same thing when Sofia was dead. I rushed into to the house to make sure that Amir did not do any stupid thing to kill himself. But now I am really confused.
　　“Then tell me what happened! You can’t cry just because Ali and Hassan left you.”
　　“You can’t understand…” he buried his head in his hands and didn’t even see me since I broke into his bedroom. Tears are flushing under the reflection of the light. “They are not simply leaving. They leave me FOREVER!”
　　But I still don’t get it. I know he and Ali are really close, but it’s different. In his mind, Ali is his servant—a thing that will never change whatever happened to them. He didn’t even consider him a friend. Their relationship is no better than that between Amir and Hassan. I never ask him about it, but I know how he takes everything for granted! What a stupid idea that Hazara are born servants!
　　“It doesn’t make sense. You won’t treat yourself like this just because they leave you. Aren’t they onlyyour servants Don’t pretend that you are such close. What happened”
　　Finally, he raises his head and I know I hit the point this time. The sunlight breaks through the window and leaves shadow on our bodies. In other days, I would say it’s warm and beautiful. However, today when I see the tear that’s reflecting the light on his face, I couldn’t say anything like that. Something big will be revealed.
　　“They are not servants, Rahim. The boy is my son, and Ali is a stupid father that raises his owner’s son without any dismay for ten years!”
　　“No,you aren’t.” Even though I have preparation for even worse things, I am totally shocked at that moment.
　　“Yes, I am. I am a sinful person that buries the secret for years and hopes to bring it to the hell.”
　　“Did Ali know this”
　　“Yes.”
　　I pause for a while and ask “Did Sofia know this”
　　He looks into my eyes and gives me the least answer that I want to hear “Yes. She happened to see me with Sanaubar, and that’s why her mood swung so fiercely when she gave birth to Amir.”
　　“It is you that killed Sofia! You goddamn bastard!”I shouted at him and left the room.

　　“You goddamn bastards!”
　　“What can you possibly say to make things better Nothing. Not a goddamn thing!” Amir leaves the room as I did years before. Actually, I did not expect anything better. He is right. We shameless cowards hid the deepest secrets from them when they were still kids. If we told them that they are brothers before everything happened, things will be great different. It’s easy to figure out what’s going on between Amir and Hassan, especially when we finally realized something wrong did happen between them. I couldn’t blame too much on Amir because I know him so well. That was the only chance to win him back the love from his father. But Amir did not know he was wrong at the very beginning. It was not his own son killed his wife, but he himself did, and he will never escape from it. Seeing Amir every day is a reminder of his uncommitted sin.